This post is a continuation from "Torah Camp" posted earlier on. To view part one, scroll down.
June 20, 2010
One of our rabbis, Rabbi Schochet, talked to us about the creation of space. It is said that, to make room for the world, God withdrew and created a space, and the rabbi added that it is said that God is where you let Him in.
This place, he concluded, is supposed to offer us space. The internet is spotty at best, and phone service is even worse. The town of Ellenville has very little to offer in ways of entertainment, and the camp isn’t exactly huge.
But all these lacks represent an openness, an opportunity to remove from ourselves spiritual distractions and allow our minds to have space and to really learn.
Some are clearly taking this to heart. I was surprised to learn that there are guys here who can’t even read Hebrew, who are learning the alphabet by slowly going through the letters and memorizing the sounds. These guys are usually three years older than me, and they’re taking on an even bigger project of learning than I am. Learning what we’re learning without even reading the language might’ve proven too much for me. I hope, for their sake, this space proves sufficient.
June 21, 2010
The task of learning everything it takes to become a ba’al tshuva is overwhelming. Every class, we scratch the surface of some topic I need to learn- holidays, blessings, prayer, Shabbat and kashrut- but there’s always so much more. I’ve never been so acutely aware of my own ignorance.
Perhaps just as frustrating is my desire to take on all of the mitzvot immediately. Let me tell you, if you think forming one habit is hard, try taking on three every day. I slip up constantly, I forget all the time. People at school used to caution me to take it slow, to take on one thing at a time, but how can I wait when I believe every moment wasted, I’m doing the wrong thing?
One thing I will say is I’m done with wasting time. I was spending two hours a day on the computer, trying to force the internet into offering me a single episode of Lost? There’s too much work to be done for that crap.
June 23, 2010
Yeshiva life is quite a grind. Wake up, daven, learn learn learn. Eat, daven, relax, learn learn lean. Daven, learn, learn, sleep. The constant repetition makes time sort of blend together here. The only three spaces we ever occupy are our rooms, the mess hall, and the beit midrash. The topics of study have bled into every conversation, and we talk Torah and philosophy all day. The total immersion is a little disorienting, but I think I see the point. The sheer amount of information I’ve learned in the last week surprises me, and while normal life is full of distractions, the environment is perfect for taking on more and more religious responsibilities.
A couple days in, I noticed the program is forty days long, which made me laugh. There’s a kabbalistic idea I once learned that forty is a number signifying a total change, (not forties in the Torah- Noah’s Ark,
I thought this was presumptuous on the part of the program to think we could change in that time. Now I am not so sure.